A Satire Upon Runescape Warfare
by Mathedes
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"I do not fear an army of level 126s, if they are led by a level 3.
I do fear an army of level 3s, if they are lead by level 126."
- Mysterious Old Man
(I swear I think I see him at my bedroom window at night...)
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Stall the war. The enemy will grow bored and may lose its combatants in tiredness, impatience, or better things to do in life. Patience is the key. This is War of Attrition.
Fill your inventory with shrimp and bread. Swordfish is too heavy and stabs you in uncomfortable areas.
Same goes for armor. But nudity is not only an option. It's a lifestyle.
Strength Potions will shrink male reproductive organs and stunt female hormonal growth. Vice versa female.
Before attacking, always check for women. Make them your primary target and show off your masculine dominance. Then you may enjoy the ring of large sweaty men.
Before attacking, always check for men. Make them your primary target before taking the women all to yourself. The women are more frightening to battle anyways.
Dozens may die around you before you ever order an attack...Take as much time as you need to figure out how to work a keyboard.
Piling is uncomfortable and too close-contact. Do it not. Someone may be claustrophobic.
If you are binded, the mage wants you.
Duel fights (one on one) must be initiated whenever possible. While it may hinder strength of your clan as a whole, you'll meet someone new now and be ignored later.
Tanking means putting on as much weight as you can upon you. Encourage the enemy that you want to take them on a lift.
Use your graphics against the enemy. Flashing colors and bright lights may cause lag, seizure and epilepsy. The enemy will be rendered AFK.
Backpack Barrages are dangerous and must be used only within cautious jurisdiction of command. If you know not what this is, you're target practice.
If you are attacked, stand there and accept your fate. It's clear you are not good enough to obtain 99 Defence and must suffer for the inferiority. I mean, who would want to take the time to attack a maxed Defence warrior? That's just dumb...common sense. Really...
But if you choose to run, run completely out of boundaries. It doesn't matter if you break rules, it's your life. RUN FOR IT!
You can run, but you'll die tired.
Mourn not the fallen. They didn't have 99 Defence either.
Should you be called a "noob" or any of the sort, curse at them as much as possible and insult their mothers. How dare they nurture such disrespectful children.
If someone calls "Boom! Headshot!", Report Abuse.
, pr0 Rach
I love it! 
