Untitled Poem [July 19, 2010 8:30 AM]

Tell your stories of everyday life in Runescape or even make up one! Or write a poem for us!
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Mathedes
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Untitled Poem [July 19, 2010 8:30 AM]

Post by Mathedes » Mon Jul 19, 2010 3:41 pm

removed
---

I wrote this this morning, but I feel more could be added. Constructive criticism please.
Last edited by Mathedes on Fri Jul 05, 2013 12:13 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Untitled Poem [July 19, 2010 8:30 AM]

Post by tuck815 » Mon Jul 19, 2010 5:30 pm

nice
i suck at poems
so i cant say much but overall i think you did well
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Re: Untitled Poem [July 19, 2010 8:30 AM]

Post by Wheee » Mon Jul 19, 2010 7:36 pm

verrrry constructive tuck.

I'm not a poem person, sorry rachel. I did enjoy reading it though ^^
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Re: Untitled Poem [July 19, 2010 8:30 AM]

Post by Silver » Tue Jul 20, 2010 3:52 am

I love Robert Frost's poetry (especially 'The Road Not Taken') and I think you did a great job on this :)
I personally am only half-decent at poems as I can only write ones that rhyme.
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Re: Untitled Poem [July 19, 2010 8:30 AM]

Post by Moroku » Tue Jul 20, 2010 8:01 am

When I first started reading it I thought it sounded like Robert Frost; now I know why. :P Not much criticism to give, really, as it's a lovely poem. However, it might sound a bit better if you can find a way to make it rhyme.
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Re: Untitled Poem [July 19, 2010 8:30 AM]

Post by Mathedes » Wed Jul 21, 2010 10:07 am

It had some distant rhyming in there (I forget the correct term to actually name it). I suppose it depends on how you read it.

Examples:
"stronger" and "sour and bitter" (the 'er ending)

"different" and "tempted" (the "eh" vowels)

But okay, I can see why it was missed since it was more free-verse. Thanks for the comments.

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Re: Untitled Poem [July 19, 2010 8:30 AM]

Post by Tri Poc » Wed Jul 21, 2010 5:18 pm

I liked it. You are right though it could definatly be added to. It feels as though this is just an introduction and there is more to the story. Just my opinion but think about it a little and see if you can find something more.
The bottom line is I love good music and I try to shy away from all these labels that people think are so necessary to slap on music. It seems like people get afraid of a certain music if they can't pigeonhole it to their satisfaction.
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Re: Untitled Poem [July 19, 2010 8:30 AM]

Post by Mathedes » Mon Jul 26, 2010 9:38 am

The journey then becomes the story.

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