Untitled Poem [July 19, 2010 8:30 AM]

[Mathedes]

removed
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I wrote this this morning, but I feel more could be added. Constructive criticism please.

[tuck815]

nice
i suck at poems
so i cant say much but overall i think you did well

[Wheee]

verrrry constructive tuck.

I'm not a poem person, sorry rachel. I did enjoy reading it though ^^

[Silver]

I love Robert Frost's poetry (especially 'The Road Not Taken') and I think you did a great job on this
I personally am only half-decent at poems as I can only write ones that rhyme.

[Moroku]

When I first started reading it I thought it sounded like Robert Frost; now I know why. Not much criticism to give, really, as it's a lovely poem. However, it might sound a bit better if you can find a way to make it rhyme.

[Mathedes]

It had some distant rhyming in there (I forget the correct term to actually name it). I suppose it depends on how you read it.

Examples:
"stronger" and "sour and bitter" (the 'er ending)

"different" and "tempted" (the "eh" vowels)

But okay, I can see why it was missed since it was more free-verse. Thanks for the comments.

[Tri Poc]

I liked it. You are right though it could definatly be added to. It feels as though this is just an introduction and there is more to the story. Just my opinion but think about it a little and see if you can find something more.

[Mathedes]

The journey then becomes the story.